someone threw a dead crab at me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
