tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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