after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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