I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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