My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
