The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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