i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
