If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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