i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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