You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that's an acceptable place to lick
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
