Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
