dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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