We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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