It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
