I met the friendliest cop last night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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