so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
