I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize