Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
