currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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