Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
