If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There r osticjed everywhere
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
