i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
