i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
