Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
