I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
