I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wear drunk well.
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