I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize