let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
