Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
being pregnant is like rehab
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
