im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
