I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
