And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
