I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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