we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
