Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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