i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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