She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
