o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
