dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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