I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think i got beer on your cat.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
