'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
