So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
don't judge my taste in strippers
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
