Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
