I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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