oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
