I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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