Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize