if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
