she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize