Having a random hookup so left but love u
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
