i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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