i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
