Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How does one acquire holy water?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
