I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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