He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Success! We fucked roommates!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
