I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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