But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize