i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
