chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm like, not good at living.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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