Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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