he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I AM VODKA MAN
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
