Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
