I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
