I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
