Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
