I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
