just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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