thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
