your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
