That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
