I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
