I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
