U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
