I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
