girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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